Russia: The good, the bad, the ugly

THE good, the bad, the ugly … a perfect way to sum up Russia.

Since landing in Moscow on Sunday afternoon, it has been yet another rollercoaster visit.

It is probably impossible for anyone to fully understand this huge country.

The people, when you get into their homes and share a couple of vodkas, are warm, welcoming and friendly. Family values are very high, something that has eroded back home during the past 20 years.

But then Russia is stuck in a time warp. The great traditions of a bygone age are still going strong – yet the remnants of 70-plus years of communism is all too apparent.

The painstaking bureaucracy over here would drive any sane person wild.

As a foreigner, alien, Westerner, whatever they call me here, I have to register with every local police authority of the areas I visit.

I was required to fill a form at a post office the other day where I had to supply my name, home address, passport number and the address where I am staying.

This information had already been supplied to the Russian Embassy in London and the immigration authorities upon arrival in Moscow.

But, hey, let’s give the information a third time … and also wait at a post office counter for 70 minutes while some stern-looking headmistress type studied my details. Quite why it took more than two minutes is beyond me.

However, what amazed me more than anything, was there were about six or seven people behind me in the queue who also had to wait. The poor lady who just popped out to buy a stamp must have been spitting feathers.

Yet she was not. In fact, everyone in the queue just accept this as part of life … even if buying a stamp over here can sometimes take longer than getting a loaf of bread in Germany in the early 1930s.

Russia is however evolving. There is no doubt about that. A new generation will take the country forward and, hopefully, seize power from backward-looking politicians more interested in lining their own pockets than to helping improve the lives of millions of hard-working Russians.

But, hopefully, the strong family values that make up the foundations of this amazing country must not be sacrificed.

That is what I love about Russia … and perhaps one day our own country will rediscover this too.

All change, please

THE Hess Express has reached its destination … all change, please … all change.

All good things come to an end and sadly the great ride for my local club Dover Athletic with Andy Hessenthaler is going no further.

Quite simply, Hess – in just three years – has established himself as a legend. He has dragged the club back from the Ryman League outposts to the verge of being back among non-league’s elite.

Sure, it would have been perfect had he finished the job he set out to do, which was to return the Mighty Whites back into the Blue Square Premier … but the lure of League football was just too much to resist.

Andy will be back at Gillingham. If not tomorrow, he will be unveiled over the next few days. I know he is meeting the odious Penfold-lookalike Paul Scally tonight to thrash out terms.

But although Dover have reached their destination with Hess – the club’s journey is by no means over.

In fact, not only is chairman Jim Parmenter eyeing Blue Square Premier football within the next two years, the ultimate ambition of becoming Kent’s second Football League club is the carrot that is driving everyone on.

Make no mistake, Jim will be appointing a top-rate replacement.

The new man at the helm will be full-time, earn a very good salary, be handed a decent budget for players and will have the chance to build his own empire.

Everything at Dover is in place. The facilities are Football League standard and there is a strong and passionate fan-base.

In short, it’s a great little club.

Although today is disappointing, tomorrow is sure to be exciting.

C’mon you Whites.

Such a Scallywag

PAUL SCALLY is one of the biggest duckers and divers in lower-league football.

And the Gillingham chairman’s antics this week prove it.

Hilariously, he made a statement on his club’s official website denying he had spoken to anyone regarding the managerial vacancy at Priestfield.

"I don't know where that story came from," he commented, regarding The Sun's article reporting that Andy Hessenthaler had officially been lined up for a return to the Medway club.

Scally must have suffered a bout of memory loss as only 12 hours before his statement, he had been in contact with Dover Athletic chairman Jim Parmenter asking for his permission to speak to Hessenthaler.

Not only that, but he seems to think he can poach a contracted manager for nowt.

I pity anyone who supports Gillingham with this man at the helm.

First Capital Dis-Connect

WHAT a Namby Pamby world we live in.

Last night I boarded a First Capital Connect train to Brighton at London Bridge, which was already running 30 minutes late.

No surprise there - it would have been a shock had it been on time.

But what followed was pure farce.

The train was not moving anywhere ... and the clock was ticking. After 10 minutes, passengers started to get agitated.

When one of them asked the driver what was going on, he explained "an 18-year-old girl on board was drunk".

God forbid, a young lady in high spirits on Friday night.

In any case, they could not guarantee her safety if they decided to operate the service while she was on the train.

So station staff had contacted the police - who would need to escort her off the train before it could pull out of London Bridge.

Strangely enough, the rozzers were in no rush to get there. London, Friday night? What could be more important than a silly, little girl being drunk and making a bit of noise on the train?

There were three options available: the guard could just escort her off the train, or wait until the police finally arrive to move her ... or just operate the service and get on with it?

As 10 minutes turned into 45, it was clear that option three would have been fine.

However, they could "not guarantee her safety" ... so option one perhaps? No, because if a guard, or station security staff, dare lay a single finger on the girl to remove her from the train, the drunken teenager could sue them for "common assault".

No, option two it must be - so about 300 people must sit there to wait for the police!

For crying out aloud, what is the world coming to?

Safety issues? As far as I could see, there would be no chance of the young impressionable girl jumping off the train as the doors are automatically locked!

Common assault? Oh, please!

But, having seen the girl myself, she was very boring. What was coming out of her mouth was barely audible. She was no threat to anyone - apart from perhaps being slightly annoying.

We were finally informed by the driver that the safety risk had been assessed by a team of specially-trained staff - and they had established she was drunk and we would be better off travelling on another train!

In the end, the police never showed but we boarded another train, which they routed to Brighton 90 minutes behind schedule.

Madness!

Yikes ... my baby brother is 27 today!

YIKES – my baby brother is 27 today. What does that make me?

Time really does fly. I remember the little git kicking my mum from inside while she was pregnant with him.

You just knew that trouble was coming!

There has never been a dull moment with him around – one of the funniest was when he was aged about three, while we were briefly living in Mill Hill, North London.

My mum was ready for a night out and my grandmother was up from Folkestone to babysit.

She was all dolled up and looking forward to an evening away from the kids.

But our mum only managed to get as far as the end of our front garden path, when she turned round to look up at the front bedroom. To her horror, it had been coloured a pitch-black!

She raced back into the house and up the stairs to discover Wayne had helped himself to a thick black marker pen, which he somehow managed to cover the entire window with.

Plus he decided to “redecorate” the entire bedroom!

Still larger than life – and someone who always makes people smile – Wayne is a wonderful lad.

But if he is starting to push up to 30 … that scares me … because I’m even older!

Zo Long, Gianfranco

THE way Gianfranco Zola was treated by West Ham this week was a disgrace.

Let’s get one thing straight: he was a crap manager.

With a team that boasted FOUR England internationals, he only managed to finish ahead of two of the worst teams to have ever graced the Premier League in Burnley and Hull – and crisis club Portsmouth.

But, that aside, the popular and always smiling Italian deserved better from Hammers owner David Sullivan.

To sack him for a “breach of contract” after Zola spoke out about the owners was shoddy.

Motormouth Sullivan undermined Zola and his players ever since getting his hands on East London’s finest club in January. The porn king should learn to keep his trap shut.

Sullivan must accept that there is a correct way to behave and making up some trumped-up story as a reason for sacking Zola to avoid paying up his contract makes me ashamed to be a Hammers fan. It's dishonourable and smacks in the face of everything I feel West Ham stands for.

Zola had to go … but it was down to results, nothing else. Everything he said in the media about the owners was correct!

Pass me the bucket ... I'm going to puke!

PASS me the bucket ... I'm going to puke!

Today's comings and goings at Downing Street have left me with more than just a tummy ache.

"This is a new kind of politics," insisted new Tory boy Nick Clegg.

This was the same former actor Clegg, who told us with such conviction during the election campaign that "Gordon Brown should never be allowed to cling to power" if he finished THIRD in the popular vote and has fewer seats than the outright winner.

Therefore, can anyone explain to me one very important point, which seems to have been lost on people who believe all this claptrap?

Why is Nick Clegg our deputy prime minister (ie, the second most important man in the government), having finished THIRD in both number of seats and the popular vote?

It is clear as the dirty muck that our politicians are serving up that Clegg is a hypocrite ... a man who saw his chance of a bit of power and took it.

This is not a new kind of politics.

The Tories won most seats and had a bigger share of the popular vote and have more claim than anyone to form a government.

But the Liberal Democrats were rejected at the ballot box - yet are now running our country!

It's called democracy apparently!